Monday, April 09, 2007

Fuck this. I'm moving to Canada.

The authors of Bajillion are riddled with ailments. Tom has heartburn, Kevin capitalizes words for no reason, Paul is irreversibly addicted to strawberry-flavored milk beverages, and I get insufferable migraines two to five times a week. Seriously, it sucks to spend half your afternoons clutching your forehead, unable to think clearly, feeling like your about to heave on your work keyboard. I look like one of those morons in the "I have a headache THIS BIG! [arms outstretched for full effect]" commercials, except I can open only one eye and every tiny sound pounds my skull with the power of a thousand hammers. I can think of just one upside to this migraine mess.

Recently my doctor gave me a free four-pack of this wonderful little pill called Imitrex. I'm not a scientist, so I can't tell you exactly how it works, but I'm fairly certain that involves neuroreceptors and magic. It treats migraines without resorting to pain killers!

So today I took my prescription for a full bottle this life-saver to Long's Drugs and discovered (a) that, though my doctor had written a prescription for 30 doses, Blue Cross would only provide me with 9 doses, and (b) that these 9 pills would cost me $170. I was speechless. Literally, I bumbled and flailed at the pharmacist, unable to generate a sentence. I went home empty-handed.

$170 for 9 pills is about $19 per headache. It would be cheaper if lapdances cured migraines.

I'm new to this PPO business (I'd had only Kaiser until last year), and apparently I have to meet a $250 deductible before I can earn the privilege of simply paying my co-pay for prescriptions. This much I understand. But couldn't they prorate my deductible expenses over the course of a few purchases rather than making me pay it outright? Who can afford $170 for three weeks of one drug? I'm meticulous with money and don't live paycheck to paycheck, so I could have gotten my prescription today had I not been too flabbergasted to talk. But what about people who don't have fancy pants jobs and have kids and mortgages and can't shell out $250 for a few months of one lousy prescription?

Ironically, before my Imitrex adventure even began, I perused the internets today and discovered that, once my partner earns his master's degree, we as a couple will qualify to apply for Canadian citizenship as skilled workers. I've heard that Canada's health care setup is plagued with inefficiencies, but I don't see how it could be worse than this. See you in hell, American health care system.


Tommaso Sciortino said...

Socialized medicine now!

Paul said...

Besides reminding me of the movie Office Space, Imitrex also mimics seratonin, causing constriction of dilated blood vessels.

Rebecca C. Brown said...

"Imitrex also mimics seratonin, causing constriction of dilated blood vessels."

E.g., MAGIC!